BrownyHound's Words of Wisdom.

Spring Cleaning AKA "Project: Quit Being a Pussy"

2011-04-24T18:34:00.002-04:00

Step 1: Quit listening to so much pussy ass music. Less Mumford and Sons and Newfound Glory, more Led Zeppelin and Wolfmother. Also, get my hands on that new Foo Fighters album i've been hearing so much about.

Step 2: Eliminate emotions from my daily life.

Step 3: Manage my time more efficiently. Spend less time shoe shopping and watching Youtube videos, spend more time studying, doing schoolwork, etc.

Step 4: Take better care of my car. Wash it more often. Work on it. Quit being a pussy and wire up those Hella horns i mounted up last summer. And get some tints.

Step 5: Be the Man of the House. Master of my Domain. Take care of my lawn, trim trees and bushes. Fix all the little things around the house, like crooked cabinet doors, squeaky hinges, broken shelves. Buy a decent set of tools.

Step 6: Get back to the gym. Start lifting heavy things again. Be less squishy. Stop eating like a fucking slob. Protein shakes, Omega-3, and tons more water.

Step 7: Devote more time to work. Extra hours, take on more responsibility, climb that ladder, get that raise. Gain the respect of my superiors, admiration of my peers. Change out of the scrubs and into a suit.

8th and Final Step: Fuck Bitches. Get Money.

Fashion Tips from a Straight Man.

2011-03-23T20:38:00.004-04:00

It's recently come to my attention that many of my fellow men don't know how to dress. Now i'm not talking about casual, everyday clothes, because i could care less about that (although that's important as well, that's another post). I'm talking about dressing up. For work, for an interview, for a party, etc. There's a certain way to dress, and a certain etiquette, that i feel too many men in my generation don't follow, don't know, or simply ignore. As a result, they end up looking like scrubs and give the rest of my generation a bad rep. In this post, i'm going to go over a few basic guidelines, and hopefully, turn you into a Sharp Dressed Man. Consider this a Gentleman's Education.

SHIRT: Dress Shirt. No exceptions. A "button down" from American Eagle or Abercrombie is not a dress shirt. Those are casual shirts meant to be worn with jeans. A dress shirt is generally made of light cotton, depending on the brand (i know some Oxford or Stafford shirts are a little heavier). Styles can vary, depending on your preference; the type of fit/cut, button collar, French cuffs, etc. Some may have patterns such as stripes or plaid, although plaid dress shirts are usually the most casual type, and are generally worn with khakis and sans tie. But most importantly, a dress shirt has a stiff cuff and collar. This is because they are meant to be worn with ties. You want to choose the color of a shirt based on the occasion. Save the bright, shiny colors for clubs, going out, maybe weddings. For work or interviews, use a more subtle color. Blues, purples, greens, yellows are all fine, as long as they're fairly subdued and don't give me a fuckin' headache. However, you really can't go wrong with a classic white shirt, and therefore, you should own at least 2 or 3.

TIE: Ties come in all shapes, colors and sizes. Old-fashioned skinny ties and square ties are all the rage now, and i'm certainly a fan of them, but there's often a time and place for certain style ties. For example, a super skinny tie is great for a party or going out, but may not be appropriate for work or a job interview, where you want to wear something more classic, understated; you want to make a statement without being too flashy. A tie should usually contrast, while at the same time, compliment the color of your shirt. And try not to mess too much with patterns. Stripes on stripes can get very messy if not done right. As a result, i generally stick to solid colored shirts, which leaves me free to pretty much any pattern tie. A good quality tie is generally made from silk, and a good way to judge the quality of a tie is to squeeze the widest part of it in your fist; if it goes back to its original shape, it's a good tie. If it stays wrinkled up, keep looking.

It's also important to know how to tie a tie, and do it well. This definitely takes practice. There are several different types of knots; some appropriate for certain occasions or certain types of ties, while others are much more versatile. I learned how to tie a tie from my father when i was in high school, and didn't realize until recently that he taught me how to tie the most difficult and best looking type of knot; The Double Winsor. I think it looks great with any style tie, with any outfit, and for any occasion, but that's just personal preference. These days, you can learn how to tie pretty much any knot via this thing called The Interwebz. Learn how to do at least one. Tying a tie is an essential skill that every man should know.

Finally, tie length. A tie should generally reach down to your belt, give or take an inch or two depending on personal preference. This is assuming you wear your pants at a normal height. If you wear your pants slightly higher than your waist, say, around your belly button, then you can probably wear your tie slightly lower than your belt. If you wear your pants lower than your waist, well then pull your fucking pants up, kid. This ain't no Puff Diddly concert.

BELT: Wear one. Always. Even if you don't need one to keep your pants up, wear it as an accessory. A nice outfit will always look awkward without a belt. The one exception is if you wear suspenders. But who wears suspenders these days besides hipster fags and ska kids? If you don't own a dress belt, go buy one. A dress belt is generally thinner than a regular belt, usually (but not always) has a glossy finish, and is ALWAYS made of leather (or suede). No canvas. No nylon. You can get a decent reversible belt, with black on one side, brown on the other. It's two belts in one. Just make sure you always buy a size bigger than your pant size.

PANTS: Pants are a little tricky. The appropriate occasion depends on the material. A softer, lighter, more airy material is usually more appropriate for formal occasions, often when a suit is in order. In fact, go look at the pants on your suit (i hope you own at least one suit); if they feel like those pants, they're probably for a formal occasion. Stiffer, heavier materials are usually slightly more casual, maybe appropriate for work (assuming you don't have to wear a suit) or going out. I think it all depends more on your personal preference though. I tend to prefer the stiffer material more, simply because, the way most pants fit me, lighter materials end up swishing around and inflating the pants, to the point where it looks like i'm wearing Aladdin pants. Stiffer materials are generally more slimming on me.

You also want to make sure the length is appropriate. In my case, since i'm so short, i have to have most of my pants hemmed at the bottom. They should fall naturally to just cover the tops of your shoes, with a slight fold. Touching the ground, or excessive bunching up/folding at the ankle is too long. Showing ankles/socks is too short. The only time your ankles should be visible is if you're sitting down.

However, the MOST important thing to remember with pants is THE CREASE. Iron your fucking pants, and make sure there is a defined crease down the front of each leg. This is probably my biggest pet peeve with the way guys dress. Trust me, the crease makes every bit of difference.

SOCKS: This one's simple. No white socks. No stupid colors. No ankle socks. Get some decent dress socks. I like to contrast mine slightly with the color of my pants (black w/ light grey pants, dark grey w/ black pants, etc.) but that's totally up to you. Just don't get obnoxious with it. Keep it limited to neutral colors, again with the exception of white. Oh, and remember, when you're putting them on, to scrunch them up and pull them over your feet. I used to rip the elastic on so many dress socks when i first started wearing them by just pulling on the top, like i do with regular socks.

SHOES: Ok this one, again, is a little tricky, as there are SO many choices. Laced, loafers, round, square, pointy, black, brown, HOW DO YOU CHOOSE. Well that's mostly up to you and your personal style. I'm kind of biased towards black shoes, and the shape depends on my outfit and the occasion. The important thing to remember here though is DRESS SHOES. Not sneakers. Not Vans slip ons. Not boots. Not boat shoes. DRESS SHOES. I don't care if they're the freshest limited edition Nike's on the face of the earth, you don't wear them with a shirt and tie, and especially not a suit. Dress shoes are shiny. They have a hard sole, which is sometimes made of leather or suede. And if you've worn only sneakers your entire life, you will probably think they're extremely uncomfortable. Deal with it, pussy. There are some "comfortable dress shoe alternatives" but in my experience, they're usually ugly and more appropriate for work and not much else. If you're going out and want to look good, you have to be uncomfortable. We expect women to do it with heels, we should be willing to make the same sacrifice.

SOME OTHER KEY POINTS:

- SUITS. When wearing a suit, never button the bottom button. Bottom button always stays open, whether it's a 2 or 3 button. You can always tell that someone is a "suit noob" when they have every button done. This has mostly to do the way a suit jacket bunches up when you sit down. However, even when you sit down, you should undo every button and leave the jacket open. For this reason, i usually only do one button, regardless of the suit, making it easier to do and undo quickly.

- IRON. Everything should be crisp, ironed and wrinkle free. A "wrinkle free" or "no iron" shirt does not mean you don't have to iron it. It just means that it may not be as difficult to iron, or may release wrinkles more easily. Always iron brand new shirts, making sure they're flat in the front. Like i said earlier, make sure to iron the crease into your pants. And depending on how used your tie is, you can iron that too. Certainly can't hurt.

-FACIAL HAIR. Keep it neat. Beards, mustaches, goatees, etc. are all acceptable, but keep them neat, trimmed, and keep the extra stubble clean.

-ACCEPTABLE ACCESSORIES. Watch, as long as it's fairly nice. No giant skulls or retarded Lego watches. I'm a fan of Lego Watches actually, but there's a time and a place for them. Ring, if you wear one. Necklace, if you wear one, tucked into your shirt. If you have multiple earrings, try to keep it limited to one or two, and make sure they're nice. Try to limit bracelets to nice ones, if you absolutely have to wear one. No spiked or studded shit. No hats or bandanas. Shades are acceptable only for outdoor occasions on a sunny day. Don't wear them inside a club, douchebag. And don't have stuff hanging out of your pockets, i.e., lanyards, keys clipped to your belt, or chain wallets. That being said, if you still carry a chain wallet, i suggest you grow the fuck up. It's not 1995 anymore. You're not 15.

-POSTURE. STAND. UP. STRAIGHT. I know i sound like your mom when i say this, but it makes a world of difference to your image. Posture says a lot about a man. You can be very sharply dressed and follow every rule, but if you're slouching, you'll still look like a schmuck. Men with good posture exude an aura of confidence, power and masculinity. So, head up. Back straight. Chest out. Don't drag your feet. Good posture is arguably the most important aspect of an "outfit" and can make or break your look.

Looking good and dressing well isn't just about attracting the ladies, although it can't hurt. It's about the image you project of yourself. Being well-dressed gives people the impression that you've got your shit together and you know what you're doing; even if you don't. That old saying, "you can't judge a book by its cover" is bullshit. It applies to books, not people. People are constantly judged by their covers; it's the first thing we see. It creates a first impression, and you want that impression to be a good one, especially in a situation like a job interview. I think that if you follow all the rules i laid out here, while you'll probably never be as well-dressed or stylish as i am, you'll definitely be well on your way.

Live Performance: Weezer's "Only in Dreams"

2010-12-20T01:56:00.008-05:00

My favorite song of all time is a song called "Only in Dreams." It is the final track on Weezer's Blue Album. I love this song so much, that if I were stranded on a deserted island, and had to choose only one song that i could listen to for the rest of my life, that song would be "Only in Dreams." Last night, I watched Weezer perform "Only in Dreams." And it was the most glorious and emotional musical experience of my life.

It might sound a little gay, but I believe that, all good music should have some emotional sentiment. The lyrics of a song should come from the heart, not from the head. And to truly experience a song the way an artist intended it, you have to empathize with the writer; feel exactly what they were feeling at that very moment when they were writing the song. I guess the same goes for any form of art.

That being said, "Only in Dreams" is an incredibly powerful, emotional, and almost painful song. Combined with the music itself and the energy of being in the crowd, you get sucked into the music. It consumes you. You become completely intoxicated, transported to a different place and time. It takes over every ounce of your soul and you forget who you are for those 8 minutes.

The crowd oscillates, back and forth. The spotlights flicker. Your heart synchronizes with the sharp thud of the bass drum. You let yourself go, drifting with the current, being absorbed into the ocean of bearded hipsters and tiny Asian girls. The whole room vibrates.

Then, the breakdown. Brian's guitar cuts out. Then Pat's. The drums become softer and ever slower. First, eighth notes. Then quarters. Then halves. Then wholes. Until finally, the only thing you hear for a few short measures is Scott's bass and the ambiance of Rivers' guitar. Everything stops for a few seconds. Everything seems to go quiet. The universe comes to a standstill for a brief moment.

Then, the build-up begins. The drums come back in, with ever increasing haste. Whole notes. Halves. Quarters. Eighths. Sixteenths. Then, back on the snare. Then, the bass. Rivers' guitar cries an agonizing melody. It stirs something inside you. Something intangible, inexplicable. You get butterflies in your stomach. It continues to build. And build. And build. Until you feel like you can't take it anymore. You feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. Every note brings a tear to your eye and every beat blows a hole through the back of your head. Your whole body is tingling, your hands are shaking.

And then, the crescendo. The climax. Everything peaks. Every single thing in the universe. This is not just the climax of the song, but of every moment of your life, every molecule in your body, every ounce of your soul. The room erupts. Every single spotlight illuminates the stage. Rivers is attacking his guitar. Finally, your heart actually does burst out of your chest, tears run down your face, and your whole body is in ecstasy. Your knees buckle. You can't move, can't speak, can't breathe. You lose yourself, completely, to the music. Right there, in that moment, nothing else exists.

Finally, the music dies. All those feelings inside of you settle back down into the pit of your stomach, you regain your bearings, and remember who you are. You wipe the tears from your face and hope nobody saw you. Then you realize you just had one of the most extraordinarily magnificent musical experiences of your life. And you thank Weezer for it with a round of applause.

It truly is a spiritual thing, to experience music this way. I've tried to describe it to you as best i could, but i'm not sure i've done it justice. In reality, I don't think i could ever explain to you what it really feels like. It's just one of those things. Just, one of those things.

Below is a video of the actual performance that I saw Saturday night at The Roseland Ballroom. I hope you enjoy it as much as i did.

Toil.

2010-12-08T17:20:00.003-05:00

A real man believes not in destiny, but in himself. Nothing is 'meant to be'. Nothing is bestowed upon him. Nothing is promised to him. Nothing in his life is free. He works hard, and earns his bread. He does not blame his misfortune on others, nor does he envy the fortunes of others. He takes responsibility for his own welfare. He moves forward and plays with the cards he is dealt. He does not protest.

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Excerpt from Self Reliance

Confidence.

2010-12-08T01:33:00.004-05:00

A real man never doubts himself. He is always confident. He is always sure of himself and the decisions he makes. He always speaks firmly, in hard words, never 'thinking' or 'trying', always positive, always doing. He cares not about contradicting himself, because he is always right.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras

was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, andGalileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Excerpt from his essay, Self-Reliance

She's home.

2010-07-12T18:28:00.002-04:00

Just bought a pair of black Speedhunters license plate frames, because i hate the white Subaru ones, and a pack of Speedhunters stickers. Also, took the stock roof rails off last night. I think it gives the car a much cleaner look, and i won't be using them anyway. Besides, they're just crossbars, they're basically useless without attachments.

Future mods:
-Rally Armor Mud Flaps. Most likely black with gray logo. I originally wanted red for the contrast, but my cousin pointed out that it could start to look tacky after a while. Color-matched parts never really go out of style. Anyway, my first paycheck will probably go towards that.

-Stock STI suspension, i.e., shocks and springs. I was thinking just springs, but again, my cousin advised me to get the whole package for better performance. I like the ride height where it is, but a little bit of a drop couldn't hurt. Nothing too drastic. According to the forums, the STI springs will drop me about 1.5 inches. Maybe also some wheels spacers to flush it out a little more. I've seen OBSs dropped on STI springs, and it looks like the wheels are hiding inside the fenders.

-I like the silver accents and the polished alloy wheels, but eventually, once i get bored of them, i'd like to paint them. Most likely matte black, everything. All the little plastic moldings on the front and rear bumpers and maybe the door handles too. Paint the stock wheels black too. And maybe do something with the taillights. I'm not sure about that one yet. But i'd definitely like to paint the wheels black or gunmetal or something like that.

-Replace both the plastic front grill and lower air dam with some metal mesh grills. I think it would give the car a much cleaner overall look, while deleting some more silver accents from the grill.

-The light bar/rally lights/oversized foglights/driving lights is/are still up in the air. I think i'll leave that one as TBA.

-Exhaust and Intake.

-Short throw shifter, along with a nicer shift knob. Maybe some little interior toys and trinkets.

Basically, i want a nice little daily driver, lightly tuned for everyday use and the occasional autocross/rallycross event. Nothing too crazy or wild. I don't want to spend all my money on it. I'd still like to save up some money and eventually buy an old NA Miata as a 2nd car, possibly a track car.

Anyway, i really love the car so far. It feels really tight, suspension is much stiffer than my parents' Legacy Outback, steering feel is tighter, and it's definitely much quicker, even without the turbo. I expected it to feel a lot like our Scion tC, because of the similar power to weight ratio, but the Outback Sport definitely feels much quicker.

I'll post some more updates in the future. I have a feeling that this may eventually just turn into a blog about my car.

Finally bought a car!

2010-06-24T15:29:00.002-04:00

Haven't posted in a while, just thought i'd give an update. I finally bought a car. I was having trouble finding a turbo Legacy with a 5spd in my area, and whenever i did, it would get snatched up within a couple of days before i even had a chance to take a look at it. So, i started looking around the local dealerships, and decided to start looking for a used 08+ WRX wagon; I really don't like the shape of the sedan. I only found one, at the closest dealership in Smithtown, but they wanted $24k for it, which was a little bit out of my parents' budget. Plus, a few friends and WRX owners had told me that it was always risky buying a used WRX, since kids buy them, beat the shit out of them, and then sell them.

So in the end, i decided to go with a brand new 2010 Outback Sport. It's non-turbo, and it's not fast by any means, but it's got a little zip. In fact, it feels really similar to our old Scion tC, both as far as power and suspension feel, since it weighs about the same and has almost the same size engine and just a little bit more power. Eventually, i'll do some basic upgrades to squeeze a little more NA power out of it. I like the Outback Sport over the Impreza Wagon because, not only does it have more standard features, but it's got a little heftier suspension, high ride height, bigger wheels and nicer interior. It doesn't feel quite as solid or tank-like as our 2009 Legacy Outback, but then again, that car costs $10k more. I've already had some ideas for what i'd like to do with it though.

I'd like to turn it basically into a street-rally car. Probably as soon as i take delivery on the car, i'm going to order a set of Rally Armor mud flaps. I also want to put some oversized fog lights or driving lights on the front. There are a couple of routes to go with this. I could either use a light bar, which bolts to the bumper and follows the contours of the bumper, and then the lights bolt onto the bar. Or, there is a type of oversized foglight which bolts directly onto the bumper over the stock foglight housing. Like this. The only problem is that, those lights are fitted to an STI, which has a completely different bumper than the Outback Sport, which is more similar to a base Impreza, so i'm not sure if those kinds of lights would fit my car. I've also seen something where a guy fabricated his own light mounts with some simple right angle brackets, but i just don't have the tools to make something like that. I should eventually invest in a saw and a welder though.

I want to keep the suspension stock, the ride height high, since it's already set up for some pretty heavy duty off-road driving. If i do upgrade the suspension, i'd definitely save up and go with a good, fully adjustable set of coilovers, so that i could lower it for autoX in the summer, and raise it for snow in the winter, or for if i ever do rallyX. I'm probably going to keep the factory wheels for a little while, but i'd eventually like to try and get some BBS STI wheels from an 04-07 STI, or maybe even the optional wheels off the new STI. Either that, or some smaller 16" wheels (stock wheels are 17") with thicker, meatier tires.

Another thing, which i'm not completely sure about yet, is roof lights. I'd like to try and fit some Hella truck lights on the roof. Also, maybe some badass Hella horns peeking through the grill. But other than that, and little interior touches, i'll probably just do some basic upgrades like exhaust and intake.

Anyway, this is all in the distant future. I haven't even taken delivery on the car yet, since they didn't have it in stock at the dealership. My car is going to be Black with a 5spd. After taxes and fees, the car came out to $20,600, which is very good considering the sticker price was $21,100. My mom is putting $10k down as a graduation present, and hopefully if i start working soon, i'll be making the monthly payments. I worked out that, if i get the 2.9% interest that i was told, at 60 months, on a $10,600 loan, my monthly payments should be around $181. That's not bad at all, but i'd like to pay it off as soon as possible, since there's no prepayment penalty; I just hate the feeling of being in debt. I don't plan on spending too much on the car until it's all paid off. Probably just the mudflaps, and maybe an intake. You know, cheap stuff.

I fully intend to drive my car much much harder than this. If there's any car that can take some off road abuse and beg for more, it's a Subaru.

I have a vision.

2010-05-28T03:27:00.002-04:00

So, my mom had promised to buy me a car as a graduation present. Now, i've wanted a Miata so badly my entire life. But recent events have led me to lean more towards getting a Subaru, mostly for insurance purposes, because a Miata at my age would be way too expensive to insure. I've actually wanted a Legacy for some time now, but i'm also checking out the new WRX. Either way, i want a turbo model, but i'm leaning more towards the Legacy sedan.

That being said, i have a clear vision of exactly what i'd like the car to look like if i get one.

I dug up the first car from the Hellaflush archives. I really love the stance on it, and i'd like to go just as low and wide, if not lower and wider. I also really love the rally lights in the grill; I would definitely invest in a set of those. I'm also a big fan of the Yakima roof rack, especially on a sedan rather than a wagon. The double lip spoiler on both the trunk and the roof is a nice touch, but i'm not sure if i'd go with that look. I'd probably go for either just the trunk lip, or a wing style spoiler, but most likely wingless. Subaru owners LOVE their BBS wheels, but i just feel like BBSs are so played out between the Subaru and the Volkswagen crowds. I was thinking that maybe the OEM wheels off an 09 WRX STI, spaced out for proper flush-ness, would look pretty hot, especially on a white car. Not sure though. Wheels are probably the hardest modifications to make, as well as proper fitment, because it can either make or break the whole look of the car. That's something i would need to do more research into.

I would definitely go with just a front and rear lip like the second car. And i would definitely go with the JDM headlights and taillights, again, especially on a white car. I don't really like the fender flares on the first one; I would either keep the fenders stock, or just roll them to fit the wheels. I would also try to take out that stupid little vertical piece in the front air dam, or at least paint it black.

As far as performance goes, aside from suspension, i'd definitely like to go with a front-mount intercooler, as well as a boost controller to run slightly more boost. Nothing crazy, but i'd like to run just a little bit higher than stock. Aside from that, pretty much just the basics; full exhaust and intake.

I just have this image in my head of exactly what the car looks like, but i'm having trouble putting it into words. I wish i could make a decent rendering of it, or even draw it out. But i can't.

Breaking Hearts and Crushing Dreams.

2010-05-22T09:57:00.002-04:00

I'm about to drop knowledge on you suckas. These are just a few lessons that i've learned in my 21 years of life.

1. Money can't buy happiness: FALSE.

No, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy nice cars and big screen TVs, and whatever else makes you happy. Happiness is such an abstract idea in and of itself. Nobody is ever truly happy. There's always something in someone's life to make them unhappy. You can really only achieve happiness for moments at a time. And money can certainly buy that.

2. Things always turn out for the best/Things always happen for a reason: FALSE.

Things don't always turn out for the best. Things don't always happen for a reason. Sometimes, life just sucks and that's that. There's no balance in the universe, there's no karma, there's no order of things. Life is chaotic and difficult, and you're forced to make hard split-second decisions. Life isn't slow-pitch softball. It's a major league game with 70 mph curveballs, and the occasional 103 mph fastball aimed directly at your face.

3. A dog is a better companion than a spouse will ever be.

People, in general, will always let you down. Don't go through life expecting anything in return from people. Don't ever count on people. It is a fact that they will let you down. If you go through life with the assumption that people are good, honest, dependable, loyal human beings, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if you go through life with the assumption that every person you meet is a blood-sucking leech, you might actually end up pleasantly surprised when people do nice things. Dogs are really the only creatures that will always love you, unconditionally. If there's one thing you can always count on in life, it's that your dog will always love you.

4. There is no hope.

My mom is a big believer in hope. This past year, when i reapplied to pharmacy school, she always had hope. She would always say, "I have hope, something tells me that you'll be accepted to ________." So naturally, she was absolutely crushed when she started getting rejection letters, and exponentially more crushed with each consecutive rejection, until i had been rejected from every school and her world was crumbling around her. But me, i had no hope. I applied with the expectation that i wouldn't get accepted anywhere, and so, it wasn't so bad. If you go through life expecting things to work out, once again, you will be sorely disappointed.

5. Nicholas Sparks doesn't know shit about love.

Love isn't about romance or passion or finding "that special someone." Love is about settling for the best you can do, making compromises and fucking like rabbits so you can pop out some kids to pass on your DNA. Love is about being with someone that you can tolerate; can you imagine how stressful it would be to constantly be around someone who gives you butterflies and that warm fuzzy feeling every time you look at them? Yes, people sometimes do crazy things for love. Those people are idiots.

As a side note, a message to all Men: The only woman worthy of your love is your mother. She is the only woman who will always love you back.

I seem to lose momentum whenever i try writing these longer posts nowadays. I lose my train of thought very quickly. Maybe i'll continue with some more life lessons in a future post at a later date. For now, let these words stew in your brain, because whether you want to admit it or not, I'm right, and you're wrong.

My Interview with Mr. Greg Sevian.

2010-05-12T16:52:00.003-04:00

This interview earned me my only B+ of the semester, only because it was like 2 weeks overdue and i rushed the intro, so it turned out a little weak. Other than that though, my professor really liked the interview. So here it is.

Mr. Sevian, or Sev, was my music theory teacher in 11^th and 12^th grade. He has been a high school music teacher at Centereach High School for almost ten years, and plays almost every instrument you can imagine, fairly well too. He also plays in a wedding band and, like most music teachers, gives private lessons. I took Music Theory I and Jazz Improv/Theory with him; he profoundly changed the way I experience music and helped make music a major part of my life.

Alvee Chowdhury: Was there any particular moment or experience that inspired you to become a musician?

Greg Sevian: Not really. Like many things that happen when you are a kid, I did it because my parents made me, and they made me practice. Like most kids, I usually hated it. But as I got older, that gradually changed until I realized that there were pretty much two things in my life that meant a great deal to me: music and working out.

AC: It's good that you stuck with it when you were young. I chose trumpet in 4th grade, and one of my biggest regrets is quitting. Now, the trumpet is one of my favorite horn instruments.

GS: I wanted to play trumpet too. I was advised against it because of my braces. Years later, I’ve realized that the one instrument that I have no knack for is trumpet. I wonder if that would have made a significant difference in my musical path. By the way, it’s never too late to start up again.

AC: When did you first start playing music, and what instrument did you first learn how to play?

GS: I played a little piano in primary school, mainly because my mom played piano and wanted all of us to learn. However, it is always difficult to learn something like that from a parent so I wasn't too interested. I played recorder in third grade and was part of the recorder club. I quit when I decided recess was more important, but later rejoined.

AC: What instruments did you first start playing in school, besides the recorder? I mean, everyone plays the recorder.

GS: In fourth grade when we picked our instruments, I decided to play sax. My parents wanted us all to play instruments, but I did enjoy it to some degree. I took private lessons over the summer and as an incoming fourth grader I was better than all the sixth graders; this earned me the nickname "Sevi Sax." In sixth grade I began to teach myself flute and soon started private lessons on that as well. By seventh grade I was playing professional level repertoire on sax and flute.

AC: Did you decide from the beginning that you wanted to be a teacher?

GS: I never ever thought I would be a teacher. I'd always taught privately. I wound up trying out public school teaching because I needed to do something and I already had so many credits and already knew like six instruments. I student taught here at CHS and I really fell in love with it. It was so much more rewarding than I ever thought it would be. I wound up getting a job here and the rest is history.

AC: Did you ever try to pursue that rock star dream?

GS: Not really. If I could get paid to write music and perform all day long I would do it in a heartbeat. But the lifestyle of a performer is something I never wanted. I like being home, eating what I want, and working out. I'm not really a traveler. It just wasn't something I ever desired enough to really go for it.

AC: Do you ever get sick of dealing with 16-year-old kids?

GS: Not really. For the most part, I enjoy them and it seems like they enjoy me as well. The thing that bothers me the most are the occasional apathetic ones.

AC: Having the knowledge that you do, do you ever get frustrated or bored of teaching major scales and time signatures?

GS: Interesting question; in some ways, yes. It bothers me when people are lazy and don’t make any effort to learn. But the rewards in teaching come from helping someone to make themselves better and helping people grow. If that means going from playing no scales to playing three, then my job is done and I feel satisfied. I like seeing progress, motivation, and interest. It doesn't matter what level that progress is at. Sometimes it is more rewarding to teach a 4th grader a C scale than anything else. Also, I think that earlier on I felt more frustration. But it is all a matter of perspective. To me, my job as a teacher is "to do the best I can with what I’ve got."

AC: How do you feel about forcing kids to take a music class as a graduation requirement, i.e., Music in our Lives (the most general music class, which many kids take simply as a graduation requirement)? After all, that usually is where all the apathetic kids end up. Besides your obvious bias, do you think it's important for children to learn about music, even if they don't want to?

GS: If ANYONE can imagine a world without music, then it’s time for kids to stop learning about it. On some level, I don't like the idea of anyone being forced to do anything. After all, we teach ourselves the most about the things we love on our own. That being said, over the years of teaching a MIOL class, I have seen some cool things happen. One year, the last kid to be able to play a drum beat went on to take lessons and play drums in a band, and drumming became a major part of his life. Another year, a girl really got into playing guitar and wound up buying a guitar and taking lessons. Some people get whatever they get out of it and forget it. For others, if it weren't for that stupid class they were forced to take, they would not be where they are today. I hated the fact that my parents always forced me to practice. Eventually, I was grateful. So, you never know. Overall, I'd say it's worth it.

AC: As a related question, how do you feel about the state (or district, or whoever) threatening to cut music and arts programs before, say, athletics?

GS: I don't think that people really stop and think about how much we need music, how much it does for us on so many levels. Aside from its own value in and of itself, the host of benefits it has been proven to have on the developing intellect. Again, imagine a world without music; no radio, no dancing, no shows, no concerts. No escape, no catharsis, no comfort, no expression. Is this really the world we want to live in? For some, athletics may be just as important, so I don't want to place value judgments. But it is important to find a way to make it all work.

AC: I agree with you completely on the necessity of teaching music in schools. Personally, I would have taken Music Theory regardless of the requirement, but you bring up a good point; if those kids hadn't been required to take MIOL, they never would have discovered their love for music. Before I took Music Theory, I just kind of mindlessly listened to songs, basically the equivalent of skimming through a magazine and looking at the pictures. But you taught me how to really listen to a song on a completely different level, both mentally and emotionally. And although I’ve come to realization that I’ll never be more than a mediocre musician, you helped make music a huge part of my life. So, thank you.

GS: See, that’s what teaching is all about. Thanks, man. And it doesn’t matter how good you will or won’t be…it’s all about what it means to you.

AC: I want to get your thoughts on a discussion we were having in class. Do you think that America is a land of philistines? Do you think that we take art, in all its forms, for granted? I mean, 75% of the population has an iPod, and we're constantly surrounded by music in the media, but how many people really, truly appreciate it the way you and I do? How many Americans have been reduced to tears while listening to an instrumental piece? I mean, how many people have you heard say, "Oh man, classical music is so boring! That crap puts me to sleep!"

GS: I’m not sure how to answer that. I think the lack of appreciation has to do with general lack of awareness and culture; the ability to appreciate something, especially something different, takes time, effort, and understanding. I think a lot of it has to do with our consumer driven society. The music industry is driven by profit, not by quality. Quick shit that people buy quick and tire of quick, so you can buy some more. Another reason is that it takes time to learn to appreciate different types of music; classical, jazz, etc. Lots of people aren't willing to put in the effort unless they are forced to, which is essentially what I do in [music] theory.

AC: Yeah, you make a good point. I think it does come down to a lack of effort, and in a lot of cases, a lack of education, which goes back to the necessity of teaching music in school. I probably never would have appreciated music the way I do if it hadn't been for your class.

One last question: What is your favorite kind of music to listen to and why? Is there any particular band or album, etc. that you can think of that has changed your life?

GS: There is too much. Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews, NIN, Tool, Mahler, Beethoven, Colatrane. These are just a few of the artists that have profoundly influenced me in ways I cannot begin to explain. Aside from the artistic experience, when you really listen with your soul, you are in direct contact with the soul of the artist. Imagine the lessons you can learn from someone else's life, or the summation of their experiences. This is what great music really does. There is no way to describe what it is like unless you have experienced it. In the moment, it feels more necessary than breathing.

AC: Thanks a lot for your time and input, Sev. It was really great talking to you.

GS: No problem man. I am glad to know that what I taught you is stuff that you kept and will continue to use for the rest of your life. Nothing beats hearing stuff like that. Thanks man and good luck.

PK's Pick of the Day: Car Pr0n.

2010-05-06T23:37:00.004-04:00

Obviously, as you can see, this pick is a little different. Specifically, it doesn't involve any boobs. But it is equally sexy and orgasmic, if not more. I've always loved front-engine Ferraris; the old 550 Maranello, the new California, and old California, and the original, legendary 250 GTO. Admittedly, the 599 took some time to grow on me. Then, the 599xx blew everyone away by crushing the Nurburgring. And now Ferrari has released a slightly down-tuned road-legal version of the XX track monster.

God, just listen to that engine roar. Every time this guy downshifts, i swear, i get SO CLOSE to jizzing in my pants. I think if someone offered to give me a Ferrari 599 GTO, and in return, i could never have sex for the rest of my life, i would take the car. I could just jizz to the sound of that engine for the rest of my life.

Now, this nigga got soul.

2010-05-02T19:15:00.001-04:00

Book Review - "The Future of Music: Manifesto for the Digital Revolution" by David Kusek and Gerd Leonhard

2010-04-27T03:08:00.002-04:00

Here, another paper i had to write for my English class, and probably the last one i'll post here. The last paper is just an interview. Anyway, not that anyone has ever read, or will ever read this book, i just figured i'd post it because i'm starting to become a cocky bastard after getting A's on all my papers, and i want everyone to read it. Enjoy. Or not. Fuckers.

This book is appropriately titled a manifesto. The Future of Music is an instruction manual for the record industry on how to survive in, and adapt to, this “digital revolution”. Notice, I said record industry, and not music industry; Kusek makes the distinction quite clear throughout the book and constantly reminds the reader that it is the record industry which is dying, not the music industry.

Kusek makes some convincing arguments as to why the current model for the industry is failing in today’s market. As an internet pirate myself, who hasn’t paid for music in God knows how long, I appreciate that he came to the defense of file-sharing, a long-time scapegoat for the fall of the record industry. Kusek says that file-sharing is one of the most effective ways to discover new music, and can be a useful tool for bands and record companies to attract new listeners, and I agree with him. He goes on to say that there were plenty of other ways to make money, mainly on publishing and miscellaneous products and merchandise. He also points out that poor marketing strategies account for huge waste; record companies need to establish their target audience and market specifically to them, rather than mass-marketing to a huge audience, of which, maybe 5% give a damn about what you’re selling them. Niche-marketing is much cheaper, and much more effective.

The Future of Music is also a desperate plea for the industry to embrace new technology. Kusek argues, and with good reason, that the record industry, as it exists today, simply cannot survive unless it makes some drastic changes. For example, switching from the current product-based model to a service-based one; record companies today suffer from poor CD sales because consumers are buying music from digital services like iTunes and Rhapsody. Modern-day recording contracts are still based on the same model from 50+ years ago; that’s just absurd. However, regardless of whether or not the industry survives the digital revolution, Kusek reminds us that music will be around until the Sun burns out or the Earth is struck by a giant asteroid; after all, music is art, not a product.

This book was much longer than it needed to be. Here are all 197 pages summarized in nine words: “The record industry is outdated; it needs to adapt.” Not to say that it wasn’t informative, but it was awfully repetitive and after the first 50 pages or so, it seemed like he was just rambling to fill up space, much like I am doing right now. The ideas presented are fairly simple and straightforward, and could have easily been conveyed effectively in a 20 page essay, maybe less. After a while, you just lose interest and find yourself saying, “Didn’t I just read this sentence?”

Nonetheless, I think The Future of Music is a book that every record company executive needs to read, with an open mind, and truly embrace. Really, it’s a book that anyone in the music industry should read; executives and musicians alike. It gives an accurate insight into the future of the music business. The Future of Music is a reality check, a swift kick in the pants, for those 60-something execs who think the kids are still listening to Puff Daddy on their Walkmans and FM radio.

The Most Incredible Musical Experience I've ever had.

2010-04-22T18:43:00.003-04:00

Let me first set the mood and the setting.

I am walking to the gym, already feeling energetic after waking up from a nap and pounding a Red Bull. I am dressed in all black; black sneakers, black shorts, black t-shirt, black hoodie, the hood up, covering half my face. The forecast is showing a chance of scattered thunderstorms and possibly hail. As I am walking, the sky turns completely black, engulfed by the most menacing, ominous dark cloud you can imagine. I can see lightning flashing inside the clouds. It starts to rain. Drizzle at first. Then, the heavens open, and The Gods unleash their fury upon the Earth. Torrential downpour. Howling, raging winds, whipping and tearing at my face. I can see lightning striking all around me as I am surrounded by the sound of earth-shaking, bone-shattering thunder.

I am listening to Wolfmother.

As you listen to this song, close your eyes, and try to keep this image in your head.

Best Case Scenario.

2010-04-21T16:18:00.002-04:00

This is probably my favorite youtube/online video of all time. Ever. I want to see this happen. I want to watch the sky turn black and be vaporized by a wall of fire. I want every living thing on this planet to burn to ashes. I want the asteroid to land on my damn forehead.

Bands that Kick Ass.

2010-04-17T00:01:00.002-04:00

The Arctic Monkeys most certainly kick ass. Music like this just makes me want to pick my laptop up and throw it against a wall. It's just all-out, balls to the wall, non-stop intensity. Sometimes, i get stressed out while listening to The Arctic Monkeys if i'm not ready for the intensity. But in any case, they are most definitely a band that i have overlooked for far too long. I'm going to start listening to them more.

Music sucks.

2010-04-16T20:03:00.000-04:00

This is the only true love I'll ever know.

2010-04-14T19:55:00.002-04:00

pwn3d.

2010-04-14T08:33:00.001-04:00

Miatas are not gay. You are gay.

2010-04-11T20:26:00.001-04:00

I suddenly have an intense urge to work out.

2010-04-08T08:32:00.000-04:00

Illest. Miata. Ever.

2010-04-07T20:34:00.003-04:00

This is kind of an old shot from Speedhunters, but it's probably one of my favorite pictures. Ever. Of all time. Beyond slammed, with no regard for his car. That's what it's all about; anything for the right stance. Scraping on every speed bump, driveway and bumpy road. Badass.

And i'm no photography buff, but damn. Linhbergh Nguyen is a damn genius with that camera. Always producing the sickest shots. Kudos, Linh.

2010-04-05T10:18:00.001-04:00

1988 Callaway Corvette. Codename: Sledgehammer.

2010-04-03T20:18:00.003-04:00

This is one of the fastest road cars ever built. Even more impressive, considering it was back in 1988. John Lingenfelter drove it to a top speed of 254 mph. This beast is powered by a Twin-Turbocharged 5.7L small block Chevy V8, boasting 880hp and 772lb-ft of torque. This also happens to be one of my favorite generations of Corvette, the late 80s/early 90s, AKA the C4.

Andrew WK is officially my favorite person in the world right now.

2010-03-26T12:19:00.003-04:00

First of all, this video is fucking great.

Secondly, James and I met Andrew yesterday, and he was the best. He's so nice. He talks to everyone for like 5 minutes and does whatever you ask him to. And he gives you a real hug; not some half-assed, one-armed excuse for a hug. Like, full embrace, puts his head on your shoulder, and gives you a warm, heartfelt "Thank you for your support". And when i introduced myself, he was like "Wait, Alvee...CHOWDHURY?" I was like one of the guards in Metal Gear Solid, with a giant "!" over my head, while my jaw hit the floor. It turns out that he recognized me from Twitter; he's been following me for a while now, and i'm always retweeting and mentioning him. He said that he remembers the face i made in my profile picture: "See, when you make a funny face, people remember you!" Then, we asked him to sing The Itsy Bitsy Spider with us. He did. Without a moment's hesitation.

It was one of the highlights of my life. Is that sad? Not at all, considering he's my hero, an inspiration to me, and hands down, one of my favorite people in the whole world.

I just finished downloading the new double album, Close Calls With Brick Walls/Mother of Mankind. Close Calls is just a re-release because it was never released in the U.S. before. I have to admit, i've always kind of overlooked Close Calls except for a few select songs, but it's actually a pretty good album. And from what i've heard of Mother of Mankind so far, it sounds pretty good. A little wacky, but good nonetheless. I'll write a review eventually, once i listen to the album enough. But until then, Party Hard.

Never realized how much this song fuckin' rocks.

2010-03-25T12:34:00.001-04:00

Music's Got No Soul.

2010-03-25T10:36:00.004-04:00

So i decided to write that feature on the soullessness of modern music, but just not to hand in. Who knows, maybe i'll hand it in at a later date if i have another feature due.

Basically, i think that music has lost its soul, its edge, its emotion. All the new music that kids are churning out these days is garbage. Now, i'm not saying it's bad music; there's still plenty of creativity and catchy tunes and beats that make you wanna dance, but it's got no soul. There's a big difference.

In the 70's, you had hip hop and punk rock coming out of NYC, in a time of record-high crime and poverty. NYC was an ugly and dangerous, almost lawless place in the 70's. Son of Sam, the city on the verge of declaring bankruptcy, and the blackout of 77. But out of the ashes of all this turmoil arose all this powerful art; Hip Hop from the Black and Latino gangsters-turned-MCs, and Punk from the angry White misfits. Even Disco; Disco was a way for people to escape all their troubles, the poverty and the crime, and just snort coke, and dance all night. Graffiti is also a perfect example of the beautiful art that emerged from this time of struggle in NYC. Or even going back to Blues and R&B coming out of the South in the 1950s and 60s; Black's with no education, no hope, no future, nothing but heartache, were churning out this beautiful, soulful music. They poured all their pain and suffering into the music to create something positive and uplifting.

You just don't see that today. Sure, people are still making good music, but it's just not as powerful as Punk or Hip Hop or R&B. It's all rich, suburban middle-class white kids, making beats on their laptops and then overlaying a guitar riff and some autotuned vocals; lyrics about getting drunk, partying all night and getting your dick sucked. Sure, it's fun, but where's the SOUL?! The truth of the matter is that out of great catastrophe comes great art, and the world is just too pretty right now. Oh sure, there's a global economic crisis. SO WHAT? You have to buy a Toyota instead of a BMW? Boo fucking hoo. What are you gonna write a song about how you couldn't afford an iPhone, so you had to buy a Razr? People aren't struggling enough. People are just too happy to create great music.

*EDIT: Andrew WK Conspiracy Theory

2010-03-24T22:44:00.001-04:00

Realized that i had another feature due for my English class. For a while, i had an idea to write about how music has lost its soul. Basically, how all the new music that kids are making these days is all emotionless, soulless garbage. It's all suburban middle class white kids making electronic beats on their $2000 computers, and then overlaying some guitar riffs and singing over it. Sure, there's still plenty of new music that makes you wanna dance, but it's got no soul. There's a difference. There's no more rich, soulful music rising up out of the ashes of some tragedy or grief-stricken neighborhood. The world is too nice right now, everything is too good; people are too happy to make good music.

But then i kind of ran out of ideas and thought, "how the hell am i going to stretch this out into a 1000 word feature?" Also, i didn't feel like doing all the work and starting from scratch. So i decided to edit and elaborate on my previous post about the Andrew WK conspiracy theory. I added a few things, played with the wording and flow a little bit. You can read it again if you want to. But you'll probably just give it another Thumbs Down.

Recently, I've been hearing quite a bit about some conspiracy theory involving Andrew WK. Apparently, people actually believe that Andrew WK is not a real person, but in fact, a character or persona invented by record company executives, designed to make money, sell records, and inspire a new group of young people to "Party Hard". After doing a little research on Wikipedia and some light reading on the Blogosphere, I’ve learned that it all started with a guy named "Steev Mike", who was an executive producer on I Get Wet and Close Calls with Brick Walls, Andrew’s first and third albums, respectively. Apparently, this Steev Mike started a website claiming that he was the real Andrew WK, that all of his songs and ideas and dance moves and looks were stolen by Andrew WK; basically, Steev Mike accused Andrew WK, the man we saw on MTV and on stage at the Warped Tour in 2001, of being an imposter and a fraud. There was also a great deal of mystery surrounding Andrew WK’s past. He has a back story; a father, a mother, a hometown, a list of prior bands. However, prior to 2001, nobody had ever heard of Andrew WK; this was cause for suspicion.

Then, at a lecture in September of 2008 in London, Andrew admitted that he was, in fact, not the same person that we remember from I Get Wet; not in a philosophical sense, but quite literally, he was not the same person. Rumor has it that something mysteriously happened in 2005 which caused the “original” Andrew WK to leave the spotlight, only to be replaced by the man we know today. I admit, there are times when I look at pictures or videos of Andrew from back in 2001, and then at more recent photos, and I doubt whether or not it's the same person. It also seems a little fishy that there is absolutely no record of Andrew WK before 2001. However, knowing Andrew's wacky personality and silly antics, I wouldn't put it past him to confirm the rumors and admit that he's a fraud, just to stir things up. After all, it is free publicity.

My response to this whole conspiracy theory: Who gives a fuck?

Does it really matter what Andrew WK's real name is? Who his father is? Where he's from? Does it really matter whether or not he was a persona created by a record company? What artist ISN'T a persona created by a record company? Whether you're an American Idol pop star or a Vegan-Neo-Buddhist Indie artist from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the bottom line is that you have to sell records in order to make money and be successful. You've got to market yourself to a certain demographic and fit into a niche, even if it's the Hipster-Indie-Too-Cool-To-Sign-To-A-Major-Record-Label niche. To quote Jeff Rosenstock, "Every Fugazi record has a catalog number and a price tag, and every independent label is selling you another god damn product." Andrew WK is nothing more than a vessel to sell records; apparently, a vessel that can be auditioned for and changed, as long as the replacement is a Caucasian male with long black hair who looks good in white. And you know what? That’s fine with me, because his music rocks. There could be a hundred different Andrew WK’s over the next hundred years, and I could give a shit; I’d still love him.

What really matters is what Andrew WK represents. He's more than just an artist, a musician, an entertainer. He's an inspiration to a generation. He's an idea. He's a philosophy in and of himself. The message he sends is one of hope, love, motivation, resilience and fun. You can never let down. Party till you puke. The more that you can give it, then the more it will be. Don't stop living in the red. When you're down on your luck, you gotta do it. We wanna have fun and we wanna get wasted. Just because this life ain't easy, doesn't make it bad. So what if a record company invented Andrew WK to brainwash kids into buying records? At least the kids are being brainwashed with a positive message for a change.

Andrew WK is the embodiment of exactly what young Americans need right now: excitement, freedom, but most of all, hope. He's a fresh attitude in a stale, predictable, and vanilla music industry. He’s the Messiah of Rock music. Regardless of whether or not his persona was created by a bunch of suits in a board room, the man and what he represents is real. It doesn't really matter who Andrew WK is, so long as he and his fans stay faithful to what Andrew WK is.

Dreamin'.

2010-03-23T07:45:00.002-04:00

This one is for Jin.

I was walking down Middle Country Road really late at night, and i saw the light on at Ultimate Tae Kwon Do. So i walked up to the back door and looked through the window. Couldn't see anything. The door was open, so i walked in. I peeked around a corner and saw Kim Kardashian lying on a mat, completely naked. Just sittin' there, lookin' hot for no reason. Now of course, i started walking towards her to have wild, passionate sex, as is normal in most dreams. But just as i was about to pounce, i hear Jin's dad, Master Kwak, coming around the corner. He's yelling, "WHO'S THERE?!", sounding very angry. So i run. I get out the door and outside before he can see me, but he hears me. So he starts chasing after me. Then, as i'm about to turn the corner around the front of the building, i trip. As i'm getting up, i look back as Master Kwak makes eye contact with me. He's pissed.

So, i keep running, and he keeps chasing me. I run across the street, and somehow find myself in a field, running through thick bushes, tall grass, vines, thorns, etc. I keep running through thicker and thicker undergrowth in the hopes that Master Kwak will get stuck or just stop chasing me. He doesn't. Finally, i hop a chain link fence and then just stop and duck down under all the tall grass. Master Kwak runs right past me. I'm so relieved. I'm sitting there for a few seconds, when he comes back. He's standing directly above me, like 6 inches from me. Then, he looks down at me, grabs my arm and goes "GOTCHYA!"

Then i woke up.

The Andrew WK Conspiracy Theory? LOL.

2010-03-18T21:11:00.003-04:00

So i've been hearing all this stuff about some conspiracy theory about Andrew WK recently. Apparently, people actually believe that Andrew WK isn't a real person, but in fact, a persona invented by record company executives, designed to make money, sell records, and inspire a new group of young people to "Party Hard". I've done a little wiki-research, and it turns out that it all started with a guy named "Steev Mike" who was an executive producer on "I Get Wet" and "Close Calls with Brick Walls". Apparently, this Steev Mike started a website claiming that he was the real Andrew WK, that all of his songs and ideas and dance moves and looks were stolen by Andrew WK. Then, at a lecture in September of 2008 in London (which you can watch here), Andrew WK admitted that he was, in fact, not the same person that we remember from "I Get Wet". I admit, there are times when i look at pictures or videos of Andrew from back in 2001, and then look at more recent photos, and can't believe that it's the same person. However, knowing Andrew's wacky personality and silly antics, i wouldn't put it past him to confirm the rumors and admit that he's a fraud, just to stir shit up.

My response to this whole conspiracy theory: Who gives a fuck?

Does it really matter what Andrew WK's real name is? Who is father is? Where he's from? Does it really matter whether or not he was a persona created by a record company? What artist ISN'T a persona created by a record company? Whether you're an American Idol pop star or a Vegan-Neo-Buddhist Indie artist from Brooklyn, the bottom line is you have to sell records in order to make money and be successful. You've got to market yourself to a certain demographic and fit into a niche; even if it's the Hipster-Indie-Too-Cool-To-Sign-To-A-Major-Record-Label-So-We-Can-Save-The-Rainforest-And-Drive-A-Prius niche. To quote Jeff Rosenstock, "Every Fugazi record has a catalog number and a price tag, and every independent label is selling you another god damn product."

What really matters is what Andrew WK represents. He's more than just an artist, a musician, an entertainer. He's an inspiration to a generation. He's an idea. He's a philosophy in and of himself. The message he sends is one of hope, love, motivation, resilience and fun. You can never let down. Party till you puke. The more that you can give it, then the more it will be. Don't stop living in the red. When you're down on your luck, you gotta do it. We wanna have fun and we wanna get wasted. Just because this life ain't easy, doesn't make it bad.

Andrew WK is the embodiment of exactly what young Americans need right now. He's a fresh attitude in a stale, predictable, and vanilla music industry. Regardless of whether or not his persona was created by a bunch of suits in a board room, the man and what he represents is real. It doesn't really matter who Andrew WK is, so long as he and his fans stay faithful to what he is.

Live Performance Review: March 16, 2010 - Andrew WK @ Irving Plaza

2010-03-18T01:43:00.002-04:00

So last night, I saw Andrew WK at what was arguably the best show I've ever seen. My only regret was not being in the midst of the crowd, since i was recovering from a 24-hour flu and wasn't feeling 100%. Still, the show was amazing. Here's the review i had to write for my English class...

Most people think that Andrew WK is just that relentless rocker in white who never stops partying; those people are absolutely right. Last night was the first time Andrew has performed with his full band since 2005, and boy, what a show it was. The Fillmore at Irving Plaza was the perfect venue for this type of show; large enough to house a couple hundred energetic fans, yet small enough to keep the show intimate and tickets cheap. I positioned myself on the VIP balcony, which wraps around the entire theater, giving me a great vantage point to scan the crowd and see the entire stage. The sound system was top notch and the band sounded great, save for a few miscommunications with the sound techs.

Before last night, I had only ever seen Andrew WK perform solo, with nothing but his keyboard on stage. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always rocked my socks off, but live instruments and a full band gave the music a whole new dimension and added so much intensity. However, three guitarists – and at one point, four – seemed excessive; nobody ever really needs more than two, while Andrew could easily pull it off with just one. The surplus of guitars resulted in a muddled sound, as Andrew’s vocals and keyboard were smothered under a blanket of power chords. There was also a scantily clad, yet beautiful woman in spandex, whose only role it seemed was to distract me with her seductive head-banging and hair-twirling. I later learned that this woman was in fact, Andrew’s wife; what a showoff.

The setlist consisted primarily of Andrew’s classic party anthems, mostly off of his first album, I Get Wet. Something to take note of at an Andrew WK show: if you’re not feeling well or ready to mosh, stand in the back; otherwise, you will get hurt. Notable songs were “Tear It Up”, “Ready to Die” and “I Get Wet”; As the bass drum kicked in and the guitars screamed, I watched as the room began to pulsate and the crowd erupted. Andrew, being the considerate guy that he is, gave partiers a few breaks by playing some softer ballads and improvising piano solos. “I Love NYC” is always a crowd favorite, and rivals Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” as New York’s anthem. “Party Hard” was the perfect closer for the show. As soon as the song started, it looked like a bomb had gone off inside the theater; people started jumping off the balcony while the sea of fans created a tsunami, which crowd surfers quickly took advantage of. Security was overrun and the crowd began to pour onto the stage. Andrew ended the show with a bang by leaping into the crowd and surfing a lap around the floor.

Beneath his seemingly mindless, party-till-you-puke exterior, Andrew WK is a man with a truly inspirational message. He embodies everything that music is about; freedom, individuality and most importantly, fun. I have never seen so much energy in one room, nor have I ever yelled “Holy crap!” so many times during the same performance. Bottom line: Best. Show. Ever.

New Live-Action Mario Movie.

2010-03-17T11:02:00.002-04:00

Chris and I were talking about this on the train yesterday. The first thing you need to know is about the character that we added; Jaquizzi. Jaquizzi is Mario and Luigi's lesser known, younger half-brother. He is shorter and fatter than Mario, and has an unkept mustache and stubble, or possibly even a full beard. He wears a torn, stained, old gray plumber's outfit, and is the only person at Mario Bros. Plumbing that does any actual work. While Mario and Luigi are off saving The Princess in the Mushroom Kingdom, Jaquizzi is fixing leaks and unclogging toilets in Brooklyn. He also does all of Mario and Luigi's bitch work, like picking up their dry cleaning, washing the van, driving Mario's sister-in-law to the airport, etc.

So anyway, here's the cast that Chris and I came up with...

Paul Giamatti as Mario

Brad Garrett as Luigi

Zack Galifianakis as Jaquizzi

John Goodman as Bowser

Christina Hendricks as Princess Peach

Lainie Kazan as Mama Lombardi, The Mario Brothers' mother.

Down with Corporate America! Down with Big Business!

2010-03-15T15:01:00.002-04:00

This is an issue that is near and dear to my heart, partially because it affects my family directly. You see, all the men on my dad's side of the family are businessmen. My dad owns a gas station, albeit a Gulf, one uncle owns two pharmacies, and one uncle used to own a small restaurant which went out of business a few years ago. See, here's my problem with big business and specifically chain restaurants like Friday's or Applebee's, or for my Centereach readers, DENNY'S; Chains take business away from entrepreneurs small business owners like my uncles.

America was built by entrepreneurs. The core philosophy of capitalism is that any and every individual should have the right and opportunity to start a business and make money. That opportunity is taken away from the people by these large chains. They're a recognizable brand, and people are like zombies; they hear "CVS" or "McDonald's" and they just flock there. The quality of the service sucks, the quality of the products is even worse, and the employees are even worse still.

When you walk into my uncle's pharmacy, you're greeted with a warm hello, a genuine smile, a handshake, and maybe even a hug, from my uncle. He provides the same service that CVS does, carries the same products, but the quality of his service is what makes his business successful. People remember him and come back to him for his personal service. You don't get that from CVS or Walgreens; you get a mindless cashier who spits out pre-recorded greetings and phrases. Anything outside your programmed protocols, and a manager needs to be called. Nevertheless, small community pharmacies like my uncle's are being threatened by the large chains. Even in my own neighborhood, the Village Chemist pharmacy, where i got my prescriptions filled my entire life, was bought out by Walgreens a few years ago. The large chains eliminate their competitors by offering them a wad of cash.

The reason this has been bothering me lately is because of the new Denny's that is opening in Centereach. All my friends are going crazy in anticipation for Denny's, just because it's the first and only one on Long Island. It's just a diner. It's just a fucking diner. The only difference is, it's a huge franchise with thousands of locations nationwide. What happens when your restaurant chain gets that big is that everything gets standardized. Prepackaged seasonings, labeled with the dishes they're to be used in, frozen cubes or cylinders of meat, every ingredient, prepackaged and premeasured. They require quick and efficient service, get as many customers in and out during business hours. That's great for making money, but it diminishes not only the quality of the food and service, but also the quality of the dining experience.

I don't go to a restaurant just for the food; i can eat at home, my mom's an outstanding cook, and so am I. I go to a restaurant for the experience, the atmosphere. You don't get that at Denny's or Friday's. You get that at Harry's Diner off of I-95 or at Smokin' Al's Roadside BBQ off the service road, hidden under some freeway overpass. These aren't people that opened a restaurant to make money. They opened a restaurant to fuel their passion for food; they pour their heart and soul into their food and their business, and they share it with you. I just love the whole idea of it and the philosophy behind it. The food is also way better. And cheaper too.

The whole idea of opening your own restaurant is so American. It's the American dream. The idea that any person can start a business. Yet, America is itself crushing the American dream. People don't want to go to random roadside diners and waffle houses and BBQ joints. They want to go somewhere with a flashing neon sign and mass produced plastic furniture. Places like that are impersonal, and are the reason why so many people around the world think that capitalism is so evil. Small businesses are the bread and butter of America, and they're what built this nation. I don't care if Denny's has the best potatoes or McDonald's has 99 cent cheeseburgers; i would rather take my business to a mom 'n' pop restaurant and help the small businesses of America.

"Testosterone" by Bush

2010-03-12T01:08:00.002-05:00

I'm a man
I'm real proud of my manhood
I like to smoke
Ten thousand cigarillos

Eight ball
I could climb any fountains
I never cry
I only bawl when I'm losing
And I've never been wrong
Never been wrong
Never been wrong
I'm looking so good
Looking so good
Looking so good

Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold bullet
And I guess you could say
And I guess you could say
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
Full of it, full of it, full of it

I'm real straight
You wanna see my peccadillos
Hot dog, 7:30 every morning
And I'm big into war
Big into war
Big into war
I am a whore
I am a whore
I am a whore

Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold bullet
And I guess you could say
Yeah, I guess you could say
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
You're real full of it
We're real full of it

I shave with Gillette
Shave with Gillette
Shave with Gillette
And I'm patting my back
Patting my back
Patting my back

Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold
Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold gun
Got a big gold bullet
And I guess you could say
Yeah I guess you could say
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it

I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it
I'm real full of it

Manly Hands.

2010-03-10T20:11:00.002-05:00

A man should not have soft, smooth, delicate hands. I hate shaking someone's hand and feeling it all warm and moist. It's gross. Men should have cold, hard, rough hands, covered in callouses and cuts and scars. Men should not get manicures and pedicures. You don't need to "take care of yourself" that much. The most a real man needs to take care of himself is clipping his nails every now and then, and maybe removing callouses and bunions with a belt sander. And seriously...what the fuck IS a "cuticle"? Just as a strong handshake is a reflection on a person's personality, so is the appearance of their hands. Men with soft hands are soft.

My Avatar Review: It Sucked.

2010-03-07T01:42:00.003-05:00

Finally saw Avatar, but only in regular 3D. I missed IMAX by like a day, since Alice in fucking Wonderland opened, another movie that probably sucks. Oh well. Personally, i didn't think the 3D added much. In fact, i felt it took away from the experience at times, irritating my eyes, making me go cross-eyed. I had to take the glasses off a few times during the movie and just rest my eyes for a few seconds. I think it may have also come down to the theater; the screen seemed way too small for the theater, so i was never completely enveloped in the experience; it never felt like things were jumping out at me. It just gave a little bit of depth perception.

As far as the story goes, it was lame. My dad has a tendency to relate everything to politics, and is convinced that it's the story of the Israel-Palestine conflict. I don't know anything about that, nor do i care. What i do know is that it is almost exactly, scene-for-scene, the plot to Disney's Pocahontas. Technologically advanced warmongers invade a new and beautiful land. They send in one of their men to befriend the savage natives, to learn their ways and gain their trust, and to convince the natives to surrender their land. The man, against his will, falls in love with one of the native girls, fights alongside the natives against his own people, and ends up staying behind. The story was completely predictable and, despite the 'deep' love story, completely unemotional. I was never moved once throughout the movie. Except maybe when a guy got thrown out of a ship.

The blandness of the movie can be attributed mostly to the sub-par, even horrendous acting, as well as cliche and predictable dialogue. The main character was obviously played by an Australian guy, because he did a horrible job at both hiding his accent and pulling off an American accent. I'm not a huge Sigourney Weaver fan, but i certainly hope it wasn't one of her best roles. Really, nobody stood out and made me say, "Wow, that guy's awesome." I never really loved any of the characters. I know they did all this motion capture stuff to make the aliens' facial expressions look real, but something about CG animated blue aliens took away from the emotion; i just felt disconnected from the characters.

The movie was cheesy, predictable, unemotional, and unexciting. It kept me firmly planted in my seat, nowhere near the edge. I applaud James Cameron for his vision and the special effects of the movie; there's no denying that it's revolutionary. I mean, who doesn't like a good explosion or 50? But i don't think that movies like this should get Oscar nominations for Best Picture. Special effects hardly compensate for a weak and predictable story, cheesy dialogue and poor acting.

Overall Grade: C-

A Call to Arms.

2010-03-05T21:15:00.004-05:00

It's been a long time since i've done an eating challenge. There was the Chernobyl Wings at Tumbleweeds in Port Jeff. Then there was the wing eating contest against Anthony at Famous Dave's. Then there was the wing eating contest against John at Buffalo Wild Wings, where he dethroned me. By the way, if you read this Allen, i know you fucking cheated. Whether John knew it or not, i know you put some of your bones in his bowl. But i didn't want to be a sore loser about it.

Anyway, i was just watching Man V. Food on the Travel Channel, and it got me thinking. I'm still a fucking eating machine. When push comes to shove, i can eat more than anyone else in my family, and believe me, we're big eaters. I really want to do another eating challenge soon, maybe later in the spring, or maybe even summer. The main thing is, i want some time to get in shape. I know, preparing for a gluttonous feast by working out, losing weight and getting in shape seems contradictory, but it works. The less fat you have around your belly, the more space your stomach has to expand, therefore allowing you to eat more.

I was thinking about taking on some kind of meat challenge this time, like a giant burger or steak, or maybe a massive burrito or something. I don't know. If there are any challengers, i'd be down for another Wing Throwdown as well. Especially if John would do me the honor of a rematch. Without Allen by his side.

And so, this is a call to arms. I am taking the next few weeks to prepare, to train, to build my strength and my appetite. If there are any fools who think they can eat more than me, i welcome your challenge. We will battle to the death, and with honor. If you think you've got the balls, get at me.

Here are some pictures i found from the Wing Challenge against Anthony. I believe this was 2007.

Final score, 37-17. I wasn't even full.

The celery signifies defeat. And femininity.

The loser, bowing before his master, lighting my victory cigar. And yes, that's a mother fucking cowboy hat.

Victory tastes good.

Found this on Craigslist. Obsessed. Want it so bad.

2010-03-05T00:16:00.002-05:00

1976 Datsun B210 sedan. 40k original miles. 4 speed manual. 100% factory original, runs and drives no problems. $2600. Call Jose from The Bronx for details.

I want this car so badly. I've always loved older cars, but lately, i've really been wanting a REALLY old car. Just because they're so much simpler than modern cars. I used to think that i'd like to get like a relatively new car, like a 2005 or something, because it'd be more reliable. But upon closer examination, i realize that newer cars actually require a lot more maintenance than old cars. And new cars are so complicated, you can't do any of that maintenance yourself, you have to take it to a dealer or mechanic and get ripped off. I'd much rather have an old car, a simple car, that i can fix and work on myself.

I already know what i'd like to do to this car if i were to buy it. First, i would clean it up a little bit; replace those stock bumpers with some nice, clean shiny chrome ones, without all that black plastic all over the place. Or maybe just get rid of the chrome all together. I might also look into maybe doing something with the front grill/headlights. Get rid of those turn signals and maybe see if i could fit some headlights from a Datsun 610 or something. And maybe some Hella rally lights in the center of the grill. Then, i would slam the FUCK out of it. Like unreasonably, impractically, retardedly slammed. I might go so far as to measure the height of the average speed bump, and then make sure i have EXACTLY that much ground clearance, just so i scrape a little bit. Because if you're not scraping, you're not riding low enough. After slamming it, i'd get some old school Work wheels, either Equip 01s or 03s, although Work's are starting to get a little played out. If the time came, i might just browse ebay to see if i find anything good. I'd get some aggressive fitment and stretch those tires out so they just fit. I don't know if i'd extend the fenders out to fit wider wheels, but i've always been a fan of color mismatched bolt-on fender flares. Finally, i would paint it, because that's such an ugly color. I'd probably go with white, just because i've always been a fan of white cars since i was little. Oh, and a roof rack. Can't be slammed and Hellaflush without a roof rack. Duh.

I would also like to get a little creative with the interior. Definitely some fuzzy dice on the mirror. Wood steering wheel. Wood shift knob. Wood e-brake handle. And depending on the condition of the interior, i might try to reupholster it myself with some plaid fabric, obviously recruiting some help from my mom because Men don't sew. Althought i might give it a shot, since it is for a car seat, and not a frilly dress or something. I might also do the headliner in the same fabric as the seats. Other than that though, i'd keep the interior basically stock.

I don't think i would mess with the engine/performance too much. Exhaust, carb and maybe an external oil cooler, like Shakotan Boogie, old school JDM style, hanging off the front bumper with hosing going through the grill.

The main thing i'd like to do with this car is just work on it. Do as much as i possibly can on my own. Cut and weld and bang and bend and custom fabricate stuff. Experiment with parts from different cars and different manufacturers, as parts for Datsun 210s are probably hard to come by. I just want to get my hands dirty. I want to pour my heart and soul into this car. I want to grow old with it. I want to be driving it in 10 years, full of rust, with a hole in the floor, dings and dents all over it, paint cracking and chipping. Because cars like that may not be the nicest or the safest or the most comfortable, but they have character. You become attached to cars like that. You curse at it for not starting in the morning when you have a test to take in 20 minutes, but when it does finally start, you enjoy every second of that drive to campus.

The Original Iglesias.

2010-03-04T15:27:00.002-05:00

Enrique's a pussy. Julio was the fuckin' shit. He was real man. Although, you can't really blame Enrique. How can you even measure up to Julio? Can you imagine the amount of pussy this guy must have gotten? Enrique probably has at least 50 brothers and sisters that he doesn't know about.

The Original Cyrus.

2010-03-03T21:59:00.001-05:00

P.S. - Miley turns 18 this year. November 23rd. I'll keep my eye out for pictures of her titties and getting out of cars with no panties.

The Mythical Dream Burger.

2010-03-03T20:46:00.003-05:00

Ok so, last night i had an epiphany. The idea for this burger came to me in a dream. Keep in mind, this is the kind of burger you need to get at a diner.

So, you take a regular burger, throw it on the griddle. Then, you split a hot dog down the middle, longways, so it folds open; grill that. Once that gets nice and crispy around the edges, you cut it in half so it fit on top of the burger, and you throw it on top of the burger. Then you throw a few slices of red onion on top of that. Then, you put a handful of sauerkraut on top of that. Then, you dump a ladle full of thick chili (thick for the sake of structural integrity) on top of that. Then, you cover the entire thing with as many slices of cheddar cheese as you can fit, enough to cover every inch of this thing. Then, you put a lid over it for a few seconds, just enough for the cheese to melt all over everything. Then, you take this monstrosity and serve it on sourdough bread with a side of waffle fries. Or maybe sweet potato fries. Or plain old french fries, if that's your style.

I'm ordering this burger the next time i go to a diner and have a waiter who speaks English. I don't want some damn immigrant to fuck up my magnificent creation. I still can't believe that it came to me in a fucking dream. Wild.

Birth of Auto-Tune

2010-03-02T08:47:00.003-05:00

Another paper for my english class, this time a 1000 word feature. I didn't even get close to 1000 words. But i'm hoping that my obviously superior writing and flare will make up for that. I've gotten A's and A-'s on all my reviews so far. Hopefully, i can keep that up.

Auto-tune; loved by many artists, hated by most listeners. “It creates singers out of people who aren’t really singers!” some cry. Arguably, the earliest use of auto-tune in mainstream pop music was Cher’s smash hit, “Believe” in 1998, a song that still haunts me on the radio and in department stores. Since then, dozens of young musicians have used it, and it has been generating quite a buzz in the past few years. Most notable and controversial of the popular pitch-correction software’s users is rapper, Kanye West. His heavy use of auto-tune on his album 808s and Heartbreak created uproar among fans; there’s even an official petition on the internet for Kanye to stop using auto-tune! However, I’m not going to whine and moan about how auto-tune conceals an artist’s tone-deafness behind a veil of robotic yodeling, or how it will be the downfall of the music industry. I’m here to defend auto-tune.

The most common argument made about auto-tune is that it destroys real talent in the music industry. Artists like Kanye West and T-Pain use auto-tune very blatantly, but there are also many pop and rock artists who use auto-tune to perfect their otherwise imperfect pitch in the studio. Many listeners consider the latter to be cheating and refuse to acknowledge said artists as true musicians. But why shouldn’t you use a tool that might help you sing better? It’s no different than a sketch artist who uses stencils to draw perfect circles or a hunter who uses a high-precision scope to get the perfect shot. Auto-tune is a relatively new tool that has allowed singers to perfect their art, and is helping bad singers become good ones. It is a perfect case of the ends justifying the means; artists are simply creating better music because of auto-tune.

Regardless of whether or not an artist uses auto-tune to record a studio album, the fact remains that if you can’t perform in front of a live audience, you won’t sell records and you won’t be successful. The music industry is cracking down; you can’t fool listeners by hiding behind a plethora of studio effects anymore. Which raises the question: Why is Kanye West so successful? The truth is, artists like Kanye have something else that helps sell records. Whether it is his fresh beats, his catchy hooks, his egomaniacal attitude, his unique style, his stage presence or his heart-felt lyrics, Kanye’s got it.

Besides auto-tune’s intended pitch-correction capabilities, it also creates a very distinct sound; it makes the singer sound like a robot having an orgasm. Critics often use this unique sound to support their claims of the evils of auto-tune. For artists, like Kanye, who use auto-tune in this way, who exaggerate and exploit its attributes to create a new sound, auto-tune is simply a new weapon in their musical arsenal. Auto-tune is to the 2000s what drum machines and synthesizers were to the 80s. Kanye has even admitted in interviews that this is why he uses auto-tune so heavily on 808s and Heartbreak; he simply loves the sound it creates. And who are we to question the musical genius of Kanye West? Which instruments or tools or means an artist uses to achieve a desired sound is at his or her discretion. Music is, after all, an art. Who says there needs to be a rule book for art? Who says you can’t use a computer program to create music? The beauty of art, and in this case music, is the freedom to create something the way that you want it. Critics of auto-tune are the same kinds of people who may have criticized Picasso’s paintings for being too abstract, or Da Vinci’s inventions for being too outlandish. In this regard, perhaps artists like Kanye and T-Pain are ahead of their time, and we are simply too naive to recognize their creative genius.

Auto-tune is slowly changing the landscape of the music industry. It is making singing more accessible to amateurs and helping professionals to hone their skills. It is providing pioneers with a new tool to explore new artistic possibilities. Auto-tune is just another musical trend that will define the early 2000s, just like cheesy electronic synthesizers defined the 80s. In twenty years, we will look back at 808s and Heartbreak and our plastic venetian blind sunglasses and think to ourselves, “What the hell was I thinking?” But we will love this decade and the music it gave us anyway.

The Death of Automotive Culture.

2010-03-01T17:25:00.003-05:00

I just watched this on the StanceWorks blog. Now i'm gonna get a little cheesy and gay here. I couldn't have said it better myself. Everything that the narrator says and talks about is exactly how i feel. Building a car is an art form. It's not about ordering parts and having some guy at a shop bolt them on for you. It's about being proud of a piece of art that you created, that you put your heart and soul into. And it's not always about going fast either. People always ask me, "What's the point in having a fast car? You can't go over the speed limit anyway." It's not about that. It's about the joy of driving in and of itself. It's hard to explain to someone who drives simply to get from point A to point B. It's like telling a fisherman, "Why do you sit out here on this boat for hours and hours? It's so boring. Why don't you just go to the store and pick up some fish fillets?"

And then, there's the death of the culture. Now at this point, it seems like the car scene is booming. But i'm afraid that with new technologies and the oil crisis (whether you want to admit it or not, the world WILL eventually run out of oil and gasoline will become impractically expensive), car culture won't be around for much longer. Like i said before, part of the joy that comes from building a car is being able to build it yourself. Working on the engine, tweaking the suspension, custom fitting and fabricating body parts. These are all things that you can't do on a hydrogen-powered hovercraft made of kevlar and carbon fiber. There's something about the growl of a good old fashioned gasoline engine and the raw feel of steel and aluminum. There used to be a charm and excitement about cars that has all but died off; it's being kept alive by a small group of "hoodlums", who are shunned from society because of the image created of them by Fast and the Furious movies.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness, and i know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold.

2010-02-28T17:44:00.001-05:00

Amazing.

2010-02-28T01:45:00.000-05:00

I'm completely speechless.

Still hot. Always will be.

2010-02-27T17:19:00.000-05:00

Wingardium Leviosa, baby.

2010-02-27T16:52:00.003-05:00

...Man, i can't wait for Miley Cyrus to become legal.

2010-02-27T13:22:00.002-05:00

Flo Rida ruined this song.

2010-02-26T13:21:00.002-05:00

Too sick.

2010-02-24T20:33:00.001-05:00

Just saw this on Speedhunters. Dope. As. Fuck.

off seasons from Drift Alliance on Vimeo.

This is how real men fix cars.

2010-02-24T12:21:00.000-05:00

This will be me someday.

2010-02-24T00:14:00.001-05:00

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-22T11:45:00.001-05:00

The Ten Commandments of Manliness.

2010-02-20T18:29:00.003-05:00

1. Thou shalt own a set of tools, know their names, and all of their proper uses. Furthermore, thou shalt know The Golden Rule: Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey.
2. Thou shalt grow a beard.
3. Thou shalt not drink margaritas, sangria, or any other gay drinks. Thou shalt drink only beer and hard liquor.
4. Thou shalt not raise thy hand to thy woman.
5. Thou shalt eat meat, and know how to operate a grill.
6. Thou shalt grunt from time to time.
7. Thou shalt not sit down to pee.
8. Thou shalt not watch romantic comedies. Thou shalt watch Lesbian Porn instead.
9. Thou shalt shave only thy face, head and balls.
10. Thou shalt stand up for thyself. Thou shalt take no shit.

These are my Commandments, to be followed by all Men. Spread my gospel throughout the land, Men! With these simple rules, we Men will emerge victorious once again! We will reclaim what is rightfully ours! Hoo-Rah!

Remember this shit? Lmfao.

2010-02-19T16:59:00.001-05:00

2010-02-17T21:59:00.002-05:00

Now, i'm not into the whole dominatrix/fetish thing, but there's just something incredibly sexy about a woman who could kick your ass if she wanted to. There's something so sexy about a sassy woman who don't take no shit.

But obviously, a real man puts his woman in her place.

Album Review: The Fame Monster by Lady Gaga

2010-02-17T14:45:00.005-05:00

Yes, ANOTHER review. I think i'm just going to keep posting these here for people to read/proof read. This time, i tried to go in a different direction and do a negative review. Enjoy.

Since her debut in 2008, Lady Gaga has had an astronomical rise to stardom with her wacky, sometimes frightening, but always memorable outfits and performances. According to Gaga, The Fame Monster is a continuation of her previous album, The Fame, and chronicles her rise to fame and the so-called “monsters” she deals with. These are some ambitious claims from a mainstream pop artist.

The Fame Monster has a much darker feel to it than The Fame. The songs are not as upbeat, have a more serious tone, and feature heavier beats, particularly the bass. Considering there are only 8 tracks on the album, only 3 or 4 of the songs are actually good. The rest of the album is mostly filler garbage that gets very annoying very quickly. It really seems like Gaga cut some corners with this album.

Lady Gaga claims that The Fame Monster is an intimate, personal album, each song being about a different “monster” that she has fought; I don’t hear it. I hear one or two very personal tracks, one or two catchy singles for the radio, and a bunch of irritating filler about dancing in the club and generic love songs. The only songs worth listening to are either singles, or likely future singles. It might be a good album to dance to, that is, if you’re too drunk to hear the words. If you want to get the most out of The Fame Monster, save the $8.99 and just listen to the radio.

Best. Music. Video. Ever.

2010-02-17T11:08:00.001-05:00

I think i posted this like a few months ago. But i had to post it again. Because it's the best.

Pon De Floor featuring Afro Jack & VYBZ Cartel from Mad Decent on Vimeo.

I think i've decided what to ask my parents for as a graduation present...

2010-02-17T02:34:00.002-05:00

Depending on the circumstances of my graduation, and my plans for the fall, either one of these...

...Or, one of these...

Either way, I'd be the happiest man alive.

Happy Valentine's Day.

2010-02-14T22:26:00.002-05:00

Too lonely to get my dick sucked, and too broke to turn to Lady Liquor. At least i'm not throwing my money away on a box of chocolates and a greeting card. Take that Hershey's and Hallmark.

When i become a Dad...

2010-02-13T11:13:00.002-05:00

When i become a Dad, i'm going to grow facial hair. Maybe a mustache. Most likely a beard.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to discipline my kids, and by that, i mean beat them. The man of the house is the King of the Castle. Kings have to be loved by their people, but feared at the same time. It's no different for a Man.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to build things for my kids. Like a crib, or a tiny table and chair, or a tree/play house. Because that's what Dads do; That's what Men do.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to take my kids to sporting events because, again, that's what Dads do.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to teach my son not to cry when he gets hurt. Boy, you wipe those tears out of your eyes, rub those bloody palms on your jeans and get back on that bike.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to cook only pasta on random weekday nights and BBQ during the summer.
When i become a Dad, i expect dinner to be ready when i get home from work...Bitch.
When i become a Dad, i'm going to take my kids to play outside. No kid of mine is going to become a product of the digital revolution. I don't care if it's 2025 and you can play baseball in Virtual Reality with some kid from China, we're going outside, God Dammit.

I can't wait to be a Dad.

2010-02-11T11:13:00.000-05:00

: Read Whatever You Like Lyrics here.

MEN.

2010-02-11T10:17:00.000-05:00

Sexiest man of the 20th Century, no homo.

Before you judge me, this is why i watch Gossip Girl...

2010-02-09T14:08:00.004-05:00

Because of these fly young biddies. I was originally forced to watch it by all the girls that i hang out with at school, because they all love the show. And the only reason it originally kept me in the room was because of these beautiful young ladies, Jessica Szohr and Blake Lively, respectively. But then i started to get sucked into the story. It's just all about scandals and betrayal and lies and deceit; it's great. Sure, there's a lot of gay lovey-dovey stuff too, but i don't really care about that. What i do care about is Threesomes featuring Jessica Szohr and Hilary Duff. Chea.

The show does follow the lives of "Manhattan's Elite". It's about a bunch of trust fund kids on the Upper East Side that get driven to prep school in limos and own hotels and sip martinis at lunch. Now, i don't know about the kind of message that this might send to young, impressionable teenage girls, but i'm comfortable enough in my social class and tax bracket to take the whole thing as a joke. I know there are people out there with private jets who fly back and forth from New York to Paris every weekend, but that doesn't mean that i'm shallow because i like watching a show about people like that; It's just a damn T.V. show. It's entertaining.

Did i mention the hot girls?

Album Review - "Scrambles" by Bomb the Music Industry!

2010-02-08T15:21:00.004-05:00

Here's another review i had to do for my English class. It was originally much longer than it was supposed to be (500 words). My professor was right, it is much harder to write a short paper. Anyway, just thought i'd post it for the hell of it. Let me know what you think.

Scrambles is the latest full length album release from the collective of musicians known as Bomb the Music Industry! Scrambles is sort of an autobiography from chief singer/songwriter Jeff Rosenstock. He spends a majority of the album crying about trying to get his life together; “25” is about Jeff moving back to New York to live with his parents, while “Fresh Attitude, Young Body” features the iconic lyrics, “If you don’t find a clock to punch now, or find yourself a steady fuck now, your family and friends will inherit your debt, and you’re probably gonna die alone.” This kind of pessimism and brutal honesty is a common theme carried out throughout most of the album. There is a break of three songs in the middle of the album where Jeff gets a little political and off-topic, which kind of ruins the mood and takes away from the momentum. However, the rest of the album builds up nicely into an emotionally intense closer.

As far as production quality goes, Scrambles is definitely the best sounding Bomb the Music Industry! album to date. BTMI! has come a long way since the days when Jeff was sitting in his bedroom, recording songs on his laptop. However, that’s always been the appeal of Bomb the Music Industry! to me; they’re raw and gritty, amateur musicians writing, recording and producing their own music, and everything is way too loud. This kind of reckless abandon gives Bomb the Music Industry! a distinct charm that other bands lack. Scrambles features more real instrumentals than previous albums, such as a piano instead of a synth, and a real drum set instead of a drum machine. This provides a cleaner, more professional sound, but takes away slightly from the charm of that raw punk rock racket.

As pathetic and depressing as he sounds sometimes, Jeff Rosenstock is one of the greatest songwriters I’ve had the pleasure of listening to. He is the voice of my generation. He sings about my problems; parental pressure, unemployment, immaturity, watching your friends grow up and work 9-5 while you get drunk and pass out on a stranger’s couch on a Tuesday night. Jeff Rosenstock is not the greatest singer in the world; his voice is raspy, he’s often off-key, and his lyrics are incomprehensible. But that’s ok, because you feel every drop of emotion in his music, from the strain in his voice to the strain on his guitar strings.

Scrambles is kind of an ironic “coming of age” album for BTMI! It displays a much more mature and grown-up sound, while Jeff sings about being immature and trying to grow up. I’ve recommended previous Bomb the Music Industry! albums to friends before, to no avail; most people just don’t like the chaos of the older stuff. However, I think if BTMI! wants to attract new listeners, Scrambles is the album to do it with.

ROFL.

2010-02-07T23:37:00.002-05:00

Credit goes to Mark Werner for showing this to me. Looks like all those years of calculus finally paid off.

Love.

2010-02-06T19:12:00.004-05:00

I've always loved the 350z, but when the 370z came out, i wasn't sure how i felt about it. It took me a few months, but eventually it grew on me. Today, i went to the Nissan dealership to look at some Sentra's and Altima's for my aunt, and saw this gorgeous red Nismo Z in the corner of the showroom. To my surprise, the door was unlocked. My heart skipped a beat as i jumped inside. The bucket seats completely engulfed me; not like the bucket seats from some sedan with an "S" stamped on it. I have to say, it's a beautiful interior. Nice black leather and suede with contrasting red stitching. Perfect balance of modern technology/comfort and pure sports car rawness. And personally, i'm a sucker for small cars. I love NA Miata's, the way they practically sit on the ground and you have to crawl out of it. The new Nismo Z is just like that. It's a small, low car to begin with, and when you step in, you basically sit on the floor. But man, what a view.

I sat in that car for a good 10 minutes; the first 2 or 3 examining the interior and opening compartments and flipping switches and dials. But the next 7 or 8 minutes, i just sat there, stroking the steering wheel, imagining what it'd be like to drive a machine like that. My mom had to yell at me and yank me out of the driver's seat. I promised myself that the first car i buy after i graduate and get a job will be a Miata, and that's still true. But man, once i save up a couple of bucks, I'm buying myself a Z.

Earnst Mir.

2010-02-03T17:51:00.002-05:00

BOOM.

2010-02-03T17:11:00.003-05:00

Former FBI Agent Renee Walker from 24. A stone cold badass with nothing to lose. Cuts people's hands off like it's no big thing. Drinks scotch and fucks Russian mob bosses. Hot mess.

On a somewhat related note: Jack Bauer undercover as a German arms dealer named Earnst Mir? Leather jacket, smokin' cigs, wearin' glasses, speakin' German, and drivin' a 2010 Audi S4? Fuck yeah.

FFFFFFFFFFF.

2010-02-03T01:42:00.002-05:00

I Love Subaru's.

2010-02-02T08:45:00.000-05:00

Time Attack Legacy Wagon. Soooooo HOOOOOOOOT.

LOL!

2010-02-01T19:03:00.001-05:00

At a loss for words.

He Is Man: Bill Goldberg.

2010-01-31T22:41:00.004-05:00

Bill Goldberg is arguably the craziest, angriest, most badass mother fucker to ever come on to the professional wrestling scene. I remember when he was in WCW and he went undefeated for over 100 matches. Even then, he only lost his first match because he got taze'd. Bro.

Goldberg started out playing football. Played for a few amateur league teams or something, got caught for marijuana in a random drug test (also awesome), eventually played for the Atlanta Falcons for a few seasons until he suffered a leg injury that ended his football career.

In any case, i think that Goldberg has always been more of an athlete, and a damn impressive one at that, than an entertainer. Whereas most wrestlers are about the entertainment, making long speeches, using cheesy gimmicks, flashy costumes and silly props, Goldberg always entertained the crowd with his brutish strength and barbaric war cries. The guy Jackhammered The Giant (you know, before he was The Big Show). He used to lift opponents straight over his head and toss them out of the ring.

And if you hadn't realized it before from his name and his nose, he is in fact Jewish. Personally, i think Quentin Tarantino should have cast Bill Goldberg for the part of "The Bear Jew" in Inglourious Basterds. The name certainly fits him well.

*EDIT: Just found another video that made me love Goldberg even more. Because as brutal and savage as he is, he's a man of morals and integrity.

BOOM of the Century.

2010-01-31T11:38:00.003-05:00

I can't. I just can't. Olivia Munn is too hot. I'm getting butterflies just thinking about her.

PK's pick of the day

2010-01-31T03:34:00.002-05:00

I am completely blown away by how hot this girl is. Seriously. Like BLAOW.

Those crazy kids are at it again.

2010-01-31T01:45:00.002-05:00

Got picked up for another season. These mother fuckers had MTV on their hands and knees, throwing money at them. Hate all you want, they're getting paid to get drunk and get their dicks sucked. That spells success in my book.

Songs that Rock.

2010-01-29T12:47:00.003-05:00

Bored on a friday afternoon. Just surfing youtube for awesome things. Thought i'd drop some knowledge on you fuckers.

One of my favorite music videos of all time.

Best cover of this song, ever. Catch Phrase's cover is a close 2nd.

BOOM of the Day - Emmanuelle Vaugier

2010-01-26T20:13:00.003-05:00

Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" Song Review

2010-01-25T23:54:00.002-05:00

Had to write this for a class. Thought i'd post it for the hell of it. See what you guys think.

People either love Lady Gaga or love to hate her. Personally, I’m a huge fan of her provocative lyrics and silly hats. Bad Romance is the first single off of her latest album, “The Fame Monster”. Admittedly, it is a fairly generic pop song, following the familiar structure of verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. The instrumentals are a collection of computer generated bass drums, clicks, claps, and snaps. The lyrics give some insight into Gaga’s madness with lines like “I want your ugly, I want your disease”; although, there is something strangely arousing about a woman who wants an unhealthy relationship. In any case, it is a song about love, but quite unlike the countless other generic love songs written over the past millennia.

However, one cannot deny its catchy beat and almost infectious hook; it just takes over your brain, you hum it to yourself all day, and the moment you get home, you rush over to You Tube to blast the song and pump your fists. You also have to admit that Lady Gaga has got a set of pipes on her. The girl can really sing, and she really belts it out in this song. You just can’t over-analyze it, and take it for what it is; a super-catchy pop song that gets the girls in the club on the dance floor. I think that whether or not you’re a fan of Lady Gaga, she’s here to stay, and she’s going to be remembered; if nothing else, for her famous bird’s nest hat.

Hot Mess.

2010-01-25T22:01:00.002-05:00

Something about a girl with chlamydia who brushes her teeth with whiskey really turns me on.

New song from the best band in the world.

2010-01-23T15:54:00.002-05:00

Jeff Rosenstock...just gets me. We might be the same person.

The first ever mainstream Bengali pornstar.

2010-01-22T03:08:00.002-05:00

Alright, so this girl's name is Jazmin Chaudhry. Yes, she basically has the same last name as me. Chaudhry, Chowdhury, Chaudry, Choudhury, etc...it's all basically the same. And i can tell that she's actually Bengali from her accent; she sounds like one of my aunts or something. Which kind of creeps me out.

Anyway, this girl is ugly, which is a shame because it gives Bengali girls a bad rep. There are plenty of cute and even a handful of smokin' hot Bengali girls; just no pornstars. The only reason i'm posting this is because it is official: I have seen it all. Well...at least all there is that i want to see. I don't really care to see dudes sticking 2x4's up their butts or something.

Personally, i give this bitch a thumbs down.

BOOM.

2010-01-19T21:03:00.003-05:00

Yo, for real. Kim Kardashian is slammin'. Perfect body. Perfect. Sculpted by The Gods. Big, round titties. Big, round ass. All the right curves in all the right places. Damn. Alright, i'ma go smack my dick.

I steal everything from Speedhunters.

2010-01-18T22:50:00.001-05:00

Formula Drift 2009 from Joshua Herron on Vimeo.

Sorry, but shit was too good not to re-post on my blog.

Penelope Cruz: BOOM.

2010-01-17T23:12:00.003-05:00

She also has the sexiest fuckin' Spanish accent. I jizz my pants every time i just hear her speak.

2010-01-17T00:55:00.003-05:00

I'm gonna make a bold statement right now. I'm a huge fan of anything and everything Subaru, especially now that my dad owns one. However, there is one Subaru that i'm pretty sure EVERYONE hates; The Baja. Half truck. Half car. All ugly. Chevy pulled it off with the El Camino, but that thing was pretty badass. However, i've been thinking lately that, done right, a Baja could be a pretty fucking badass car. Or truck. Or something.

This is about the closest i could find to a "modified" Baja. This is probably similar to what i would do if i had a Baja. Except i would also stick a couple of big driving lights on the roof as well. And the first thing i would do would be to get rid of that horrible two-tone. Maybe just paint the whole car black or something. And those wheels are kind of tacky too. Not bad, but not great. Only thing that i'm not sure about is whether i would lift the suspension to give the car more of a raised off-road kind of look, or whether i would slam it. I have to admit, after driving my Outback through 10 inches of snow in the middle of a blizzard with ease, the ground clearance is a nice thing to have. Finally though, the most important thing that i would do, would be to give it some serious power. Like dropping a Subaru STI turbo in it, exhaust, headers, intake; have it pushing 300hp to all 4 wheels.

This is just a badass picture of a Baja off-roading, proving that Subaru's are much more capable than i think they get credit for. I just don't know why they had to make the Baja in such gay and ugly color combos. Fucking yellow and silver. Why, Subaru? Why?

Unexpected Words of Wisdom from Charles Manson.

2010-01-11T22:38:00.000-05:00

PK's Pick of the Day.

2010-01-11T14:41:00.003-05:00

Haven't given you one of these in a while. Yo, Kim Kardashian is fucking hot. For real. No joke. Slammin'. Looks like she sucks a mean cock too.